Cold Soup & Doubt

Composed collectively by XOXO audience | Edited by Elaina M. Ellis

To hell with cold soup and doubt.
To hell with unchecked privilege
    and my inability to call you on it.
To hell with rain.
To hell with hatred, bigotry, oppression.
(Give me Cheetos.  And a broach.)

I want to say, the hell with expectations of others!
I want Laura Palmer to return to North Bend!
I want a parade of Chinese & Western dragons
    with cupcakes supplying an army
    of monkeys with puppies set to
    re-inspire humanity with compassion.

To hell with money shaping morality.
To hell with CHOCOLATE.
(Give me gummi bears without gelatin!)

(Give me laughter at all times
    except when it’s inappropriate.)
To hell with vanilla sex.
To hell with self control!
To hell with liars.
To hell with apathy!

To hell with spandex.
To hell with the law.
To hell with your steel toed intentions for me.  
    You may not kick me to shape me.  
    I eat metal.  I devour your feet.  
    This path is mine, my feet are bare,
    and I am vicious.  You best let me alone.
To hell with talking myself into wanting you.
(Give me joy, home, chocolate.)

I want you to see me as
    without expectation
    of motherhood
    but full of life.
I want my wife to realize what she is to me
    that I feel empty without and lost
    forgetful and distraught, alone.
I want a life I can be proud of.
    To be a mommy I am proud of.
    To stop being the abandoned daughter.
    To show my son how to love.
I want a baby.

(Give me sweet loving!)
(And naps!)

To hell with worrying about M.
(Give me delicious candy!)  
To hell with my wife leaving me to f*** my best friend
    while not having the balls to divorce me.  
To hell with this f***ing job.
To hell with sleep f***ing.
(Give me what I want!)

(Give me a sweet pony stall
    & endless pastures
    filled with strong sweet knowing pets.)