Composed collectively by XOXO audience | Edited by Elaina M. Ellis

Sssshhh.
 
Give me peace and quiet
            so I can think for a second.
 
I want to be happy.
 
Give me wind first
            and the courage to hold this pen.
Give me my imagination back
            and that part of me
            I didn’t get a chance
            to meet.
Give me a hammer to smash my auto-pilot.
Give me the power to honor and realize
            all of my beautiful improbable choices.
 
I want to feel stuff again.
            Even the bad stuff.
            Even the tear your heart out shit.
I want to wear my bruises with pride.
I want to make myself proud.
I want to make myself proud.
 
I want seven more years
            times one hundred.
 
I want to be happy.
 
I want the answers.
I’m never quite sure what I want.
I want truth, honesty, and respect.
I want to want so much
            & want so badly that I become drunk
            with the wanting I never knew.
I want to really truly deeply know what I want
            and not be afraid of it.
I want everything to work out.
I want to pass the bar exam.           
I want to love me like you do.
I want patience.
I want insides of peace.
I want to make myself proud.
I want to make myself proud.
 
I want to be happy.
 
I want to be ready for what God
            & my truest & highest self needs
            which may be in front of me, right now.
I want something that is real
            something that will last
            something that will really last
 
To hell with the belief
            that I am not good enough.         
Give me a break
            from figuring things out.
Give me time.
Give me long lazy days to become myself
            and find more diamond chocolates.
 
I want to make myself proud.
I want to make myself proud.
I want to be happy.
 
Give me song after song
            until the words give life meaning.
Give me your story  
            letter by letter
            until we feel better.
I want a pen that will never fail me.
            A pen that will forever pour forth the ink:
            My words.  Truth.
            I want truth.
 
Give me my self.
To hell with who I thought I was.
Give me more.
Give me your word.
To hell with being closed off.
To hell with my insecurities.
I want to make myself proud.
I want to make myself proud.
 
I want to be happy.
 
I want to seed my apple tree thousand.
To hell with being so fearful of mistakes
            that I forget how to live.
I want a blue sky, tall grass, and my beloved.
To hell with shading my true self.
To hell with thinking I’m not good enough at life.
I want to feel the dew on my eyelashes
            and to watch the blossoms open on the trees.
I want love
            to breathe
            smiles
            beautiful spaces
To hell with crumbles
            give me a whole apple pie.
 
I want to be happy.
 
To hell with paying homage
            to the alter of mediocrity
To hell with slivers of sky
            when what I want are the tops of trees
            to hell with soot filled sashes
             instead of fields of grass and moss.
            to hell with silence.
            I want to hear the cries of crows.
 
I want Maria
            for the rest of my life.
 
I want.
To hell with not knowing how to love
            my self through my own shame
I want to make myself proud.
I want to make myself proud.
I want seven more years
            times one hundred.